Hello and welcome to the Tartan Army
We’re a little bit mental and a little bit barmy
Planes and trains and football games, we travel round the world
In cities, squares and fountains with our Scotland flags unfurled

I love sex and drugs and sausage rolls
But nothing compares to Archie Gemmill’s goal
I love sex and drugs and sausage rolls
But nothing compares to Archie Gemmill’s goal

We were pure dead scunnered in ’78
When wee Bud Johnston sealed his fate
Roughie’s hair was another scare, when drugs surely were to blame
What happened next against Iran, it was a national shame
But Archie’s goal redeemed us all to claim eternal fame

I love sex and drugs and sausage rolls
But nothing compares to Archie Gemmill’s goal
I love sex and drugs and sausage rolls
But nothing compares to Archie Gemmill’s goal

The Dutch were soon at 3-1 doon
Their orange shorts were turning broon
We’d walk a million miles for one of your goals and always sing it loud
Like when Archie scored in Mendoza and made his nation proud,
And we regained our dignity, God bless Ally McLeod

I love sex and drugs and sausage rolls
But nothing compares to Archie Gemmill’s goal
I love sex and drugs and sausage rolls
But nothing compares to Archie Gemmill’s goal
I love sex and drugs and sausage rolls
But nothing compares to Archie Gemmill’s goal
I love sex and drugs and sausage rolls
But nothing compares to Archie Gemmill’s goal
I love sex and drugs and sausage rolls
But nothing compares to Archie Gemmill’s goal